CARRIED AWAY

3:18 P.M.

Today marks the beginning of a new chapter in my life and I have spent large portion of it watching Apple trailers on my laptop.

In two weeks I set out on the journey that all my other journeys have led to. Finally, after years and years of wanting to do one thing, I have resolved to do it and it’s getting closer by the minute. I am moving to Los Angeles to attempt carving out an entertainment career for myself, something I have wanted to do since the sixth grade. Now I’m finally doing it. So, I should be stoked, estatic… prepared. And I’m not.

I have found the best way to deal with what is happening is to ignore it. I have moved across the world with very little possessions to essentially start over in a completely new place, only taking a mild detour to my childhood home to gear up. And what am I doing now? Pretending that I don’t have to pack, to buy health insurance, a car, bedsheets and just downloading the Harry Potter movies instead.

I’m terrified.

I’m terrified of failing, of succeeding, of being depressed, of being happy and I can’t tell you why. I’m terrified I’m going to be mugged in the grocery store, I’m terrified I’ll mismanage my money, I’m terrified no will hire me to do anything much less what I actually want to do, I’m terrified I won’t have any friends. So many good things can come from this terror, but right now, all that is coming from it is denial.

Life’s too hard, so I’m going to pretend like it’s not there.

This entry was posted on Friday, June 17th, 2011 at 5:56 am and is filed under Miscellaneous.You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.