My mother does a lot of crossword puzzles, or at least she did when I was younger, so her writing mechanism of choice was a mechanical pencil — the yellow ones with the twisty tops, not the the grey ones with the clicky erasers.  She only writes in small capital letters.

My father used to use those cheap plastic fountain pens but switched to the gel pen in the late 90’s.  He always encouraged us to write in cursive, but he usually wrote in some connected print hybrid himself.

Elizabeth Dunbar from the 7th grade used those Pilot Precise pens with the needle points and had the penmanship envied by all.

My friend Soli had every gel pen color imaginable. 

Stacy wrote with a Dr. Grip, but she thought babies were deposited into the girl by the boy, so really, she turned out to be an idiot.

Jessica, from down the street, favored the impractically dull but colorfully painted wooden pencil.

My first boyfrend only wrote in those plastic Bic pens he could buy 10 for a dollar.

My brother refused to write with anything at all.  This continues to be one of his greater downfalls.

What does this mean really?  Can I psycho analyze these people by their stationary choices? My mother makes mistakes so she needs to be able to erase?  My father is smooth with a slight girlish flair?  What does that even mean?  Nothing.  I admire a person who knows what pen they want to write with.  I don’t know why, but it’s possibly because I have no idea what mine is.  It’s an ongoing search that seems to be delayed by passing whims.  I write the neatest with ballpoint, but I love a good fountain pen.  A weighty pen feels awesome in my hand, but why pay $45 for a pen I will lose and/or move on from in days.

I would love to say that I desire to do great things, or at least strive for world peace.  But no.  I want very simple things in life.  The perfect pen that makes my handwriting look like a computer did it.   A day-planner laid out in the exact way I feel is most efficient.  A pad of paper that makes ink shine, that won’t soak up all my ink, and that wins Oscars.

The problem is, my standards are impossibly high and impossibly erratic.  I will never have a choice pen because I’ll never know what I want.  I’ll never have the perfect pen because it does not exist.  I maintain the belief that a good pen will solve all my problems, and unfortunately I am finding out this is not how the world works.  Just because I have the same pen that Jed Bartlett uses does not mean that one day I will be POTUS.

Having a day-planner will not guarantee appointments.  A pen will not give me flawless penmanship.  And a pad of paper won’t write itself.

And yet, here I am, still looking.

I was flipping through a dieting pamphlet over ¹the weekend where it edcuated me on the fact that there are apparently two different kinds of “carbs.”  The first type – dubbed “paleocarbs” – are the carbohydrates we got when we were merely “hunters and gatherers.”  They have always existed and supposedly there is a certain purity about them, or something, so our systems could break them down easier.  The other kind, the “neocarb,” are the carbs that were “invented” when farming came about around 10,000 years ago.  And now they are the enemy.   According to people like Mr. Atkins  and the like, they are what turn us into blobs and stop us from shedding those unsightly pounds.

After that stimulating piece of reading, I moved onto American newspapers… which is just as invigorating. There I notice that we have a new buzzword popping up every three words in campaign coverage.  Last week it was “lipstick,” this week it appears to be “neocon” (derived from “neoconservative”).   From what I gather, the conservatives of the past, the paleocons if you will, were the guys who believe believe in lowering taxes by reducing the size/influence of the federal government and by cutting back on unnecessary spending, in theory anyway.  The “neocons,” who started milling about somewhere in the Great Depression, have evolved into the guys who like to give tax-cuts to the people who don’t really need them and create “preventative wars.” ²  These guys are the carbs that eventually lead to heart attacks.

Hm, and here I was thinking that a carb is just a carb.

______

ACT I

Math class is boring as hell.  There are only 10 different numbers that you can put together in various combinations, but there are 26 letters that you can assemble to make much more interesting ones.  You fall asleep in History class because, frankly, the stories in your head are a lot more interesting then the one you’re reading about in a textbook.  Something deep inside of you tells you that you are destined for something else, but common sense says “shut the hell up.”   So, after scratching a many idea onto diner napkins, a few people that hold a certain amount of sway in your book say “Hey, you can write!”  To which you reply with a grunt of some sort, nah, but then for some reason you find yourself enrolled in a Screenwriting course of some fashion.

The man lecturing you is a burly man, with mucho body hair, and has a down to earth yet holier than thou aura about him.  You feel the need to both reject every thing he says to you while simultaneously soaking it up.  He prattles on about the elusive “Three Act Structure.”  This is something you must know if you are to ever write a successful screenplay and as he continues on about innercaves and midpoints and elixirs, you think obviously, this does not apply to me, for I am a natural talent not bound by silly mortal rules.

Then you find yourself stuck on page thirty two.  So fine, you pick up a book on screenwriting and once again this three act structure dealio comes up.  It’s worded slightly different, but you aren’t fooled, you’re a cunning one you are, and it’s most certainly another theory on the the Three Act Structure and to be perfectly honest, it makes no more sense to you than when your writing guru was trying to explain it to you a week ago. Being the persistant hero that you are, you continue reading various books and watching “Hero Journey” movie examples like Star Wars and The Matrix.

Just before you are about to give up and go back to your old ways of writing in circles, this structure stuff clicks.  You’re not sure why, but it does.  You suddenly understand what that Vogler guy mean by “elixir” and what “Saving the Cat” is all about.  You can’t explain it, but now you have all this power floating around in your head, and you are going to use it for good.

ACT II

For all your hard work, you finally get to coast.  Planning out stories has never been easier.  You know where the story starts and where it has to end up.  It’s awesome.  It’s like a weight has been lifted off of you.  As you flex your muscles, you are able to see the Hero’s Journey in every movie you watch. ¹  You can now construct and deconstruct at the same time!  Life was never better and you start to think wow, I’m really going to make it as a screenwriter.

Then one day, this three acts thing hit you like a ton of bricks and you can’t get out from underneath it.  You start to ask why did you bring this curse upon yourself?  You start to long for the days where you could just write a script — or at least watch a movie — without having to think about what step you’re at.  You have an awesome first act written but for some reason you can’t figure out how to set up Act II so that you can go into the innermost of the innermost caves. ²What will be the sword?  What will be the ultimate Elixir? You don’t know, and honestly, you have no idea how caves and boons have to do with your romance comedy.  

You go back to your burly lecturer and ask him to solve your problems.  Well, he can’t.  Only you can.  He says you must learn and then you must forget.  What the…  He’s cryptic and annoying.  So you take your stack of paper and go back to your laptop.

But you plow through. Then the next three attempts at story you’ve hand in are rigid and formulaic.  Just like you expected.

What is a screenwriter to do?  You win some, and you lose some.  You may be able to write a text book satisfactory story but you seem to have lost all sense of originality.

So you say, screw you three act structure! You betrayed me with your false promises and now I’m going back to how I was.  But you can’t. Something is missing.  You try to write but there’s always a sense of longing that you can’t get past.  And the montage music just won’t shut up.

But then a glimmer of hope…

Act III

You pick up one of the screenwriting books that you have been using as a table leveler for the last several weeks.  It brings back good memories of discipline and structure.  You smile to yourself as you flip through the pages.  And realize, Three Act Structure is not the enemy, neither is the Hero’s Journey.

As it turns out you had the message all wrong. Three Act Structure is a only a tool.  When examining a draft (or writing one) you look at it and think hm, something is missing and that’s where the Structure is comes in.  Allow me to explain.  It dawns on you that in the middle of your script, there needs to be a change of some sort.  A big kick in the nuts.  Otherwise what are you building too?  You always want your story to be taking new and unexpected turns, and halfway through seems to be a good a place as any.  So what’s the best middle of your story?  Take a step back.  Look at your story as a whole.  Where is the story most likely to end up?  Take your cue from there, because as Michael Hauge asked in his Screenplay Mastery seminar, “How do you know if you’re halfway done with a marathon if you don’t even know where the finish line is?”

Story structure isn’t a template, it’s a guide.  Use it as a tool to help you when you’re stuck or to get the ball rolling, but don’t rely on it solely to tell your story.  Ultimately your instinct is what’s going to make the best story possible, but there’s nothing wrong with asking for help along the way.

So there, you return to your world, having it changed forever… and hopefully for the better.

The End. Roll Credits.

If you are interested in learning a bit more about the Three Act Structure and/or The Hero’s Journey, there are so many talented people with their own takes on the idea(s).  Browse and see which one is most accessible to you.  And if you don’t like any of them 100%, that’s fine, do what I do, and mix and match.  ³

Joseph Campbell started it all with his book Hero with a Thousand Faces.  Though, when he wrote this, cinema wasn’t around yet, but it’s where most of the other story-tellers get their ideas from.

Chris Vogler took Cambell’s book an rand with it and adapted the Hero’s Journey in The Writer’s Journey: Mythic Structure for Writers.

Syd Field has THE go-to book on screenwriting.  Screenplay is one of the first and still most widely used book on the craft.

Blake Campbell has an interesting and accessible take on the Hero’s Journey in his book Save the Cat (and followup book Save the Cat Goes to the Movies).  This book takes out a lot of pretension and puts the How-To book in Laymen’s terms, which I find helpful to newcomers.

These days good advice isn’t just limited to the dead tree variety.   John August and Alex Epstein both have incredibly helpful and informative blogs about screenwriting, most of which are inspired by reader’s personal questions.  Epstein has also written two books Crafty Screenwriting and Crafty TV Writing.

Last but not least, Michael Hauge is worth checking out if he is ever conducting a seminar near you.  He also has authored a couple books and has videos of his presentations available at his website.

_________

I’m tired of writers out there wanting to write their life stories. ¹

There are people out there who deserve books, people who do incredible things, hurdle through insurmountable odds, break down barriers… or at least attempt something mildy interesting.  People who spend six, seven, eight, twelve hours of their day in front of their word processors are not those people.  Not usually anyway.  I find that if someone is out doing something that’s worth writing a book over, being a writer is usually the farthest thing from their mind.

Fiction writers, including but not limited to, screenwriters and novelists, are usually fairly boring human beings.  I find that most of them are white, middle class, somewhere in the age of thirty and fifty who live fairly domesticated lives.  What would be so exciting in their lives worth sitting through an hour and a half of?  Or paying twenty bucks to read?

My biggest obstacle today was mowing the lawn.  It’s conflict was that I have Barbie’s Dream Mower and it chokes if it comes near grass.  I persisted on, and mowed that grass, fulfilling my ultimate goal.  My human flaw:  I didn’t edge and the grass around the edges are still bordering on knee height.  The ingredients were there, I had the challenge, the conflict, the antagonist, etcetera, but it would have made a lousy recipe.  A metaphorical rice cracker, if you will.

Now, I’m not saying these fairly-boring-lifed writers are not talented,  I’m just saying that maybe they should keep their life story (or a story “inspired by” their life) in their back pockets until they inadvertently cure cancer with Spell Check.

______

Hello readers.  I notice that it’s been a while since I wrote anything… anything at all.  So, to make up for it, today’s post is going to be about two entirely unrelated topics.  Basically, two days worth of blogging in one thrilling adventure…  Here we go.

The age old debate continues.  Superman, or Batman?

I have read more than one article/blog now saying big movie execs are worried about the future of a squeaky clean Superman in the dark realm of heroes such as Batman and Hellboy.  In a way, I guess I can understand the panic.  In a world of self-professed cynics we relish the the flawed hero, or even the anti-hero, which I guess is fairly interchangeable at this point. For Pete’s sake, even the Harry Potter movies fight for that dark and broody, angst filled atmosphere… and they’re based on children’s books. (Go back and read the first four novels… Not broody or cynical.  Children’s books.)  You know what, that’s fine.  Largely those movies work and for various reasons, and are hugely popular, but just because a couple movies work one way, doesn’t mean they all have to.

Superman has always been a much lighter hero, right up to the bright blue spandex.  He is the squeaky clean, super human, bringer of hope.  To change that for box office purposes would completely change who that entire character is.  Where Batman sees the flaws and warts of humanity,  Superman sees the strength and good-will of it.  What’s wrong with that?  In today’s world, where bombs are being dropped on various countries by various enemies, children are shooting their peers, and politicians play bloody knuckle boxing with tax-payers, why can’t we go to a movie to see someone actually be able to save the world, just because he wants to?

Superman is an idealist.  He does not seek revenge or have too many inner-demons to battle, and though he may not represent the ever-popular downfalls of humanity, he does represent the hope that we have all seem to have forgotten these days.  He doesn’t need to be the same as Batman to succeed.  He’s Superman for Heaven’s sake.  Use what you have on the table in front of you, don’t go stealing off of other people’s tables.  With the USA being ripped apart by this year’s election over issues that there seems to be no Right or Wrong answers for, and when the people are doing nothing but screaming for a savior,  ¹ why not just give them one?  Superman does not play in the grey areas, he’s so Black and White, so good vs evil and he wins everytime.  Don’t underestimate people’s need for that.

Superman and Batman are different heroes, that’s why there’s two of them.  Let Superman stay Superman.  Batman gets to come into his own being Batman.  So, let Superman come into his own by being Superman.

That being that, onto Topic #2, and I wouldn’t mind someone swooping in and saving the day.

Today I will finish Draft Two of one of my screenplays  – that is, if I will get off the internet and finish it’s last sequence.  It’s a decent draft, much better than the first, but it is still facing a lot issues, a lot of which I created for it with the premise.  Six redheaded women are forced to stay under the same roof after the death of the patriarch.   Adding to the claustrophobia, two of the women are former wives of the man while the other four of the offspring of the respective unions.  The fact that the action takes place under one roof where little happens in terms of plot stimulus, the women are forced to continually rehash their past with one another.  Anyone who has taken Screenwriting 101, or even has just SEEN a movie, knows that the last thing that any audience wants to sit through is a bunch of people sitting around talking about the past… except, for some reason, in The Big Chill, that was a huge success. ²  I am completely stuck on how to bring about keeping the story in the present as well as bringing a bit more action³ to it.  So yeah, that’s where I am with that.

I feel as though until I can work out some of the big flaws, as well as a title⁴, it would be pointless to pursue another draft.  And to be honest, I don’t think I could do that right now.  It has worn me out, and I need a break.  So where do I go from here?   I have a few options,  I suppose:

1. I have another screenplay that I have draft 1 already out there for.  It needs a lot of plot work, as well, in order for another draft to be attempted.  It’s difficult but not impossible.  I like this project, it’s a bit lighter in tone and not quite as soapy  – though I never intended my Redheads project to fall under the “soapy” category, for the record.
2. I also have a TV Show that I am trying to develop.  If I had to choose, this would probably be my “passion project.”  It’s something that I have been swirling around with for a few years now.  I’ve written scraps that could eventually wind up as a bible and a draft of the pilot episode.  Both need considerable work before they have the ZAP and PUNCH that I think is completely achievable with the idea and that’s fine.  I can work with that.  It’s my favorite idea so far, but honestly, probably the one that’s least likely to get me any work at the moment.
3. This last week or so I have been itching to get started on this new idea that’s been brewing in my head.  It’s the idea that the more I think about the project I’m working on, the more I think about starting this idea. It is called Finding Geraldine and it is to be a feature film.  I have deliberately suppressed working on it because I would get swallowed by it and never finish Redheads. I’d love to start now, but I fear taking on yet another project would just cause me to neglect my existing ones and they would never get any further.
4. Hopefully next year, I will be applying for the ABC Disney Writer’s Fellowship. Hopefully.  It is an intensive (and very competitive) program where they throw you into the TV writing business and help you hone some skills with on the job training.  It is how many TV writers in L.A. get their start.  In the application you must submit a TV Spec episode (essentially a glorified Fan Fic ep) of a series in production.  This will probably take me months to do because of all the research  – which I promise involves slightly more than just watching the series over and over — and planning involved.  I have a little less than year to get this underway.

So there you have it.  How do I spend my days now?

And also I would much appreciate your advice on how I can get out of the house in the process.  I’m tired of being here all day alone with my body image.

I grew up watching television. What American kid of my generation didn’t?  However, I remember as a kid I read so much more than I do now.  I mean, I read a lot back then, sometimes a book a day and I could always find time to read AND watch all my shows.  Now, I’m not really sure when the last time I just sat down with the sole purpose of reading a book.  Occasionally, if I go into the city on a more frequent basis I will take a book along and read it over the course of a month as I commute to and fro.  Though that’s far from impressive and I can’t say truly in the spirit of enjoying a book to it’s fullest.

My father, on the other hand, is a reader.  Growing up, I swear he was constantly reading about fifty books at a time.  It was just something he did.  He still does.  One time he gave me an interesting theory on his reading, which I will share with you now.

Dad makes a habit of reading four books¹ at a time, each serving a different purpose.  

One just for fun.

If you’re not going to enjoy reading, what’s really the point?  Read a book that offers you a sense of pleasure.  It doesn’t have to be classic literature, ² just something thrilling.  It can be a romance novel or an anthology of WW2 guns.

Being a big fiction reader, this one isn’t too hard for me to choose.  I either go one of two routes with this, I either pick up a Sci-fi/Fantasy book or a first person character piece, usually about some sort of idiot savant.  And I’ll have  you know that both Ender’s Game and The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time  were both excellant reads.

One to learn something.

This is where we obviously start to use our brains a bit.  Pick up a book that will actually teach you something.  This, of course, can be on a topic that you know very little about or that you know a bit about but could always know more.

Like the previous category, this one isn’t difficult for me.  Learning something new about something I’m interested in really isn’t a chore, so getting through a Film/Television book, or something, isn’t too much of an ask.  Though I recommend something that can really further your knowledge, not just an easy read.

Update: My father noted that this one, for him, is usually to learn something new about his particular career field, if you would like to take that on board.

One for faith and/or spirituality.

When I was about thirteen, my father jumped head first into participating actively in the Episcopal Church, and with that, came a whole new stack of books.  Obviously, not everyone out there is a Christian, or even particularly religious for that matter, but I sort of like this one, and I believe that’s it’s still applicable to everyone.  There’s more to spirituality than learning about Jesus.  Spirituality is about the incorporeal or immaterial nature we possess, or rather plainly, “the soul.”  Not a big fan of the big J.C.?  Maybe buddism is more up your ally.  Grab a book on meditation.

A bit too wanky for you?  Well, you can’t say that there’s not room for improvement.  What about picking up a self-help book of sorts.  I hear The Secret is revolutionary.  Don’t judge, that’s just what I hear.  Use this category to find a way to make you a better person, whatever way that might be.  Who doesn’t want to be a better person?

One to broaden horizons.

Pick up a book that you wouldn’t normally pick up.  I can’t speak for everyone but I have a very small comfort zone.  My interests are very limited and the idea of seeking outside of those interests is a concept that’s either terrifying or boring to me… Probably both.

This may sound like a bit like the second category, and I guess in a way it is, but this one isn’t as limiting.  This book can be anything that’s a leap for you, hence the term, “broadening horizons.”  Techincally, a action novel would be way outside my peripherals and no one is really argueing that they are the most educating books in the world, so really, this can be anything.³ Though, a book about South African Apartheid would certainly be stepping out of the box. The more we read, the more we learn learn, and that can’t hurt.

Though, I would like to note that dad always snubbed my SciFi thing, so maybe he should follow his own advice and picking up a book about space ships or dragons should be his next attempt under the “Broadening Horizons” heading.

So there.

I’m not going to pretend that I have ever been able to read four books at once, especially with such stipulations, but if you ask me, it’s not a bad discipline to have.  Reading is what keeps our brain active, so by all means, do what you can.  Start with any two of these books and work up from there.  My father’s a smart man, and perhaps this is why.  TV and movies are great and I have heard people say that it will be the end of reading, but why does it have to?  Why does one have to be to the exclusion of the other?  Paper is awesome, grab a book.

There is still another two to three weeks in summer hiatus left, so pick up a book or two…or four.  My dad will like you more for it.

Don’t ask about my Wii.  We aren’t speaking to one another.  Though this evening I rent on a real run.  Yes, I left my lounge room.  It was brutal, and probably a bit comical to watch.

_________

Last night at dinner I was called “Conservative,” which was an “Et tu, Brute?” moment for me, considering it came from one of my closer friends and also my partner.  This is something I have never come to call myself nor have I ever heard anyone refer to me as.  Upon this little dinnertime outburst I did a quick mental checklist and decided that ultimately, I still fell in the liberal category, politically, socially and fiscally.  Yes, people should be treated equally and pax taxes (though, if you’re volunteering to pave the roads yourself, I guess we can discuss the latter.)

According to Wikipedia¹ defines conservatism as the following:

… a term used to describe political philosophies that favour tradition, where tradition refers to various religious, cultural, or nationally defined beliefs and customs.

This is where they were getting me, traditions.  I believe in the institution of marriage.  Crap, I knew that one would come back to bite me in the ass.  I’ve always wanted to be married and have a big family.  Family values are something that are important and are something that I would like to pass down to my children.  Of course, I absolutely acknowledge that anyone can have a family without marriage being involved.  There are so many types of families out there in the world, who am I to say which ones are better than others, so if you don’t want to get married, don’t, but I do.  And it goes beyond “insurance” and the like with me, it’s the universal recognition that I am now legally related to my spouse.²  After weighing up the pros and cons, I have decided that marriage is for me, so woo marriage.  On the other hand, the friend that I happened to be dining with last night does not believe in the institution  – which I take to mean that she has decided it is not for her, opposed to flat out not believing that it exists in the world — an that is perfectly okay by me.  Wanting to get married alone does not make me conservative, believing that it is the right thing for everyone and that marriage must mean the same thing to everyone personally would be, however.³

They also got me on the fact that I had morals.  Er, I would like to admit now that this was one that I did not see coming, especially over my views on abortion (more on that one later).  It was laid out on the table that I knew where I stood on moral issues and inherently felt that there is a way in which people should behave.  I couldn’t disagree with that one but wasn’t too certain on how that actually made me conservative, or liberal, for that matter.  Everyone has views on what the “Moral Rules” should be, no matter who you are.  It’s just happens, you either feel this way or you don’t, just pick a topic.  I guess there are various stances you can take on each issue, but to be honest, I’ve never run into someone who believes “Kill people on your whim, and take things that don’t rightfully belong to you.”  And even that rare belief would still be considered a “moral stance.”  Does that make that person conservative?  I think that moral conservatism actually has to do with the morals that you uphold, not the fact that you actually have them.

The only really “conservative” moral that I believe myself to hold is my stance on abortion, which ironically didn’t come up in this particular conversation until I, myself,  brought it up.  I am pro-life. ⁴ I am under the impression that when life begins, it begins.  Since when was it a thought that you could be pregnant with something that wasn’t alive? If we started saying “I’m not pregnant yet, but there is a sack of cells developing caused my prior copulation and instigated by a successful sperm,” it would not only be difficult to get out in one breath but it would be difficult to start to define when this so called “real pregnancy” aka life, begins.  People say it’s not that simple and there are so many things to consider, but it should be in my book.  Don’t get me started on it any further than that because the last thing you want is an all out abortion debate; everyone hates those.  Life is life and I do not believe that any humans have the right to say when another human dies, fetal, prisoner or otherwise. 

But don’t you worry, those of you who believe in a woman’s right to choose, I will never vote to outlaw abortion because it is one of those things that you will never be able to make everyone believe.  Whether abortion is legal or not, there are going to still be people out there who are going to have them and I am willing to acknowledge that it is wiser to have them do it some where legitimate and safe opposed to having a repeat of the 40’s and 50’s that involves coat hangers and/or dirty instruments.

I guess no one can be perfect.

Though I guess that should be my point. I think people get hung up with these “conservative” and “liberal” labels, myself included, but ultimately there are far too many grey areas and to box yourself in gives you a lot of implications that you might not want to take on.  What I think is more important is that you do know where you stand on issues of morality, politics, religion and otherwise.  There are so many people out there who don’t know where they stand and can be lead around by their noses. Uncertainty is okay to an extent because we are only human and we can’t be expected to know everything, but you can’t just leave it at that.  Saying “I don’t know” is one thing, but it’s a whole other kettle of fish not to then search for the answer — whether it be internally or externally.  Not knowing breeds ignorance and you owe it to your descendants, and to me personally, not to be stupid.  Get the facts, know where you stand and don’t discredit it if it feels like it’s coming from your heart and not your head.  That’s legitimate too.  

Know where you stand, it’s your best weapon.  

People should be allowed to believe what they believe without the judgement of others as long as they’re not hurting anyone. (Please note that last bit)  No more of this “I know what’s best” mentality, because you don’t.  There’s no way anyone could possibly have that capability when it comes to such grey matters.

Another thing I learned is there is a reason not to discuss such things at the dinner table.  In all the kerfuffle I forgot to go back to the buffet and get a fried ice cream (which is probably to my benefit since my Wii Fit weight is on the rise once again.)

I apologize for the quality of this post.  I promise I will at least attempt to be more coherent, or at least more entertaining when I get less ill.

My friend Ben has finally decided to get a real blog.  He’s been sort of blogging on Facebook, but he decided that it was time for him to branch.  Good for him, bad for me.  Unfortunately, Ben writes on THE topics and in THE way that I would love to and he does it much better than I could. ¹  As I scanned his blog for the second time this evening, I saw he has delivered yet another terrific post.  This one was about the sudden disappearance of the TV credits over the last few years.  Personally, I would have just said “Blame Lost” and be done with it, but that’s why he’s better at blogging than me.  I am just as sad as he to see the credits disappear from our television screens.  I remember being physically depressed every time I watched Lost and saw the incredibly boring type float across the screen into abyss because it meant no real credit sequence, but ultimately, I got it, and it worked on some levels.  Lost is about a group of people who are quite literally lost and are floating in what seems to be nothingness — it might as well be anyway.  It’s a theme thing.  My heart sank when this seemed to be an “Aha!” moment for TV Execs who thought this would be an excellent way to squeeze in yet a few more ads. Perhaps I am wrong on this though, and this is merely showrunners last attempt to regain a little bit of their ever-dwindling hour² of entertainment by chucking the credits and adding 43 more seconds of awesome TV.   Who knows.

While I completely echo Ben’s disappointment, I wonder if perhaps there is a light in the tunnel.  The way people watch TV has changed over the last decade and will continue to in the near future.  This is largely due to box sets and internet downloading (legal or otherwise).  Now hours and hours of a series can be consumed in one go, ad free, for as long as the viewer can stand it.   It’s like watching an insanely epic movie that just keeps going.  You watch a season and when it runs out, you just run down to Blockbuster and get the next one.  I often talk to people who have spent the last weekend marathoning or catching up on a show (or two).  It’s easy to spend days on a show that’s a masterpiece.  I know I’m guilty of this, and surely you are too.  

Now, let me ask a question.  You have the entire series of 7th Heaven in front of you to get through — what you don’t like it?  It’s a perfect example because it has eleven seasons of deliciously boring episodes to get through, but fine, you pick the series of your choice.  Depending on the show, you can have 80 – 100 episodes to get through.  So here it is… How many episodes in are you before skip the title sequence? 10? 5? 2?  Whether it is because the viewer is so engrossed in the show that they want to get to the action as soon as possible or it’s just due to the credits’ repetitive nature, spending that 45 seconds watching characters do the same dance to a song you will have in your head for days now is an absolute chore.  I know I skip them, especially now that credits are less common, and I come to a show that still has them (usually a cable network) I just want to claw my eyes out.  This goes double, triple even, for Showtime’s Dexter, who’s credit sequence goes on for almost a full two minutes. 

As someone who’s ultimate goal in life is to get their own successful television series, I would love nothing more than to have an awesome credit sequence leading into my equally as awesome episode.  I even have the tone and music and shots picked out in my head.  It would be easy to blame commercials and the ever decreasing hour, but I wonder, even if we were given back the lost time, with the current trend of viewing, would we want to bring back credit sequences?

In the spirit of Ben’s post, I have decided to post a few fave sequences myself.  Enjoy.

Full House

By todays standards, the series and credits were God-awful, but there’s still something about these credits delightful.  It’s possibly that thought that these characters would take the time out of their busy days to turn and smile at the camera.  How nice is Danny Tanner? Though I have long grown out of the show, and others of it’s calibre, there is something about the early nineties opener that really knew how to get your toes tappin’ and put in you in a good mood going into the episode.  Step by Step, Family Matters and many more are all guilty of it and have equally entertaining opening counterparts.

Growing Pains

In a similar vein, there was Growing Pains. I loved this show and I still know every word to it’s theme song.  I remember loving watching all of them grow up — though the young Jason and Maggie pictures that have been technicolored is a bit off putting. Oh look! They’ve left silly Jason out by the fence again!  Silly man. 

Edit: I just noticed in this particular version of the credits it was Mike who was left abandoned on the curb.  Oh, those Seavers, always mixing things up!

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Pardon me, but I can only link to this one. For some reason it’s near impossible to get the actual credits of the show off of youtube and once I actually found said actual credits, the embedding rights have been removed. Such is life.  However, if you are in the mood for Buffy credits Alias Style, Charmed Style, Season 8 comic style or in still photos you are absolutely in luck.

Buffy Season 7 Credits

Buffy had a great title sequence.  It quickly set the mood for the show and introduced the characters in a way that showed off their individual personalities.  I may be bias about this, but I think if you’re able to find them, it’s worth checking out.

And just so you’ll feel my pain.

Dexter

These credits are a beautiful work of art and damn near perfect.  They are visceral and confronting while maintaining an mundanely domestic quality, in other words, these credits ARE the show.  Well done, Showtime… but really, two minutes?

Since this post took so damn long to put together, no Wii Fit for me tonight.  I’m taking my flabby self to bed.

Also, a link to Ben’s blog has been added to my links.

As a child sat firmly in the craze we call the world wide web, I am all too familiar with the world of blogging.  Essentially started by the great Doogie Howser, MD and continued on into Neil Patrick Harris’s more recent works as Barney Stinson,¹ blogging is integral in today’s life, well, at least it’s fairly well known.  From that first (and fourth) Livejournal page to the more recent Myspace and Facebook endeavors, I like many of the others that I know have failed to manage and update a many of blogs of my own.  Though, as of late, I have been reading a lot of blogs ² — and I LIKE them.  Yes, I do, I do, I do-ooo.  

John August is my newest Blogger-find and you may (or may not) know him as the writer of films such as Go, The Corpse Bride and my personal faves, the Charlie’s Angel’s remakes. ³  He offers many insights about screenwriting and life in the face paced L.A. industry, claiming to do it to be the mentor that he wished he had way back when, or something to that effect, but of course, better articulated.  He also made a comment about how he believes that if everyone took time (as in minutes at at time here) to impart just the little bit of wisdom that they had, the world would be a very different place.  One would think in the instant gratification world of internet that we live in now, that that wouldn’t be too hard to do.  So, that’s what I’m doing.  I think.

Okay, so I haven’t really worked out what the wisdom I’m going to impart is going to be, YET, but it will come, and I assure you, you will thank me for it.  Until then, however, you will have to suffer through me ranting about my Wii Fit progress.  And possibly, if you’re lucky, you’ll get to hear about the screenplays that I am putting off.  Now that’s progress.  

Current Wii Fit Progress:

Weight: 62.2 kg    BMI: 23.13   –

Wait, I sort of just jumped into that one.  I should start from the beginning.  As a belated birthday gift I received a Wii Fit, which I promptly used three times before forgetting for 2-3 weeks.  But! I have decided to give it another go, and by reasonable goal setting, I am going to lose those extra kilos, just for the heck of it. ⁴  Anyway, I started out at the beginning of this week at about 61.5, where i steadily went down to about 60 (22.5 BMI or something) until two days ago I jumped up .4 kg and then .8 since yesterday.  So, with a still determined grin, I present my Wii Fit stats.

Weight: 62.2 kg     BMI: 23.13   Mood: disappointed.

And a quick screenwriting update: Er, one time this week, I opened the screenwriting software and corrected three whole typing errors.

Also I would like to give a quick thank you to John Watson ⁵ for the footnote plugin.  Without you there would be no hope of my incoherent long-winded sentances making any sense. So, this post I dedicate to you my fellow blogger. 

Seacrest Out.