What is the difference between the words “assume” and “presume?”

These days the two word are used almost interchangeably, however, there is a subtle difference.  To assume means to take for granted without proof whereas presume requires some proof or fact, but not absolute certainty. 

I presume you are the killer because I saw you standing over the body with a knife making stabbing motions.  I assume you bought the knife at WalMart.

How does the refrigerator know when to turn on the light?

Where many people might lead you to believe that the light is manned by a little person, an speedy imp, if you will, this is just not the case.  Whirlpool and others have come up with this ingenious invention so is so genius, so subtle, that most don’t even realize it’s there.  Hence, the wondering.

Behold: There is a special switch on the side the door that is released when the door is opened, creating light.  When pressure is applied to the switch the light turns off.  See diagram.

I think Ellen Degeneres is hilarious, does this make me gay?

Have you perhaps considered that you think Ellen Degeneres is funny because you enjoy when anecdotes are compiled with a bit of buildup and fanfare leading into a fulfilling punchline? Bet you never thought of that  – bet you assumed that it’s just her gayness crossing the little tv signals into your living room encouraging you to run — no skipping — out of the closet “I’m gay, I’m gay, I’m glorious gay!”  It can’t possibly be because the woman is just funny.

Or, perhaps, yes, it means you’re gay.

And that concludes this edition of “Carrie answers a few questions of the universe.”  If you have any questions, or perhaps a better title, feel free to ring in.