My older self is all too aware of what they do with the other ten minutes.  They stretch it so it’s more than double and pack it full with the most grading ads of television history.

My Ben Stein/ I Love Lucy days were probably around 1995/1996.  Last night, I was watching a show and it t was 39 minutes long.  I know, you’re saying, Carrie, that’s pretty long for a sitcom.  Yeah it is, except I was watching a so-called “hour long” drama.  Do I need to repeat myself?  39 minutes.  ”Hour long” show.  Sitcoms today, like 30 Rock and How I Met Your Mother are fortunate enough to hit the 18 minute mark these days. 

I don’t even know how I can express how ludacris this is.  Packing a fulfilling storyline into less than twenty minutes– it’s doing more harm than good for our shows.  The quality of our shows are having enough trouble as it is without having this uphill battle. It is possible to argue that it just forces the writers to make a much more crisp story in which they have no time to fool around with fluff, but you know what, that’s bull feces, and just an excuse for slackness and the lowest common denominator philosophies ²

The average Buffy episode lasted 43 minutes.  That’s a four minutes drop in eleven years.  When How I Met Your Mother first began, it was 22 minutes long.  That’s four minutes in four years.  And it’s the same damn show!

Not only is the hour disappearing, but at an increasing rate.  At some point, writers aren’t going to be able to tell any story at all.

 I don’t watch TV shows as they air.  I prefer to watch them in large chunks of episodes and without commercials.  I do not think I am going to like being able to watch a half-hour show in ten minutes and a hour show in thirty.  The luxury of watching an episode is gone.  It has been swept away with the rest of our face paced existence.

There might be a glimmer of hope though.  Most basic cable hours are still forty-seven minutes long while some of the networks like Showtime and HBO still hit 53-54 minutes.  Too bad these aren’t all that mainstream, and we still rely on the four major networks to supply us with our fix — even if the quality and quantity are racing each other down the drain.

One could say, “Well, if you were smart, you could use this time to finish the two screenplay drafts that you’re working on” to which I would say, “Narg.”  I don’t even feel inspired to write fictional stories rooted in no actual fact, and in theory, that’s a much easier task than finding mini-essay topics, right? 

A lot of good this post has down both of us.  I promised myself that this blog would never turn into a “Today I ate a Sandwich and sorta played checkers” blog, but I guess I’m a liar.

So, to console you and me alike, below I have posted network premiere dates.  Do enjoy.  They are mildly more interesting than what I have to say.  And if that doesn’t suit, go take the “Laura Roslin” Quiz.

A list of the Major Network premieres by Date (not network).  Networks include the four major ones; NBC, ABC, CBS, and FOX as well as the CW.

Also, FYI:

Dexter premieres September 28th.  And for those who care, The L Word airs January 4, 2009.

Also, there is no official word on the dates announced for Dollhouse and Battlestar Galactica.  Word says both will go to air in early 2009.

UPDATE: By Popular demand… or at least a query…

BMI: 22.61 which puts me just under 61 kg.

Weight to lose: 1.5 kg

Date to lose it by: Tomorrow.

SIgh.

While I completely echo Ben’s disappointment, I wonder if perhaps there is a light in the tunnel.  The way people watch TV has changed over the last decade and will continue to in the near future.  This is largely due to box sets and internet downloading (legal or otherwise).  Now hours and hours of a series can be consumed in one go, ad free, for as long as the viewer can stand it.   It’s like watching an insanely epic movie that just keeps going.  You watch a season and when it runs out, you just run down to Blockbuster and get the next one.  I often talk to people who have spent the last weekend marathoning or catching up on a show (or two).  It’s easy to spend days on a show that’s a masterpiece.  I know I’m guilty of this, and surely you are too.  

Now, let me ask a question.  You have the entire series of 7th Heaven in front of you to get through — what you don’t like it?  It’s a perfect example because it has eleven seasons of deliciously boring episodes to get through, but fine, you pick the series of your choice.  Depending on the show, you can have 80 – 100 episodes to get through.  So here it is… How many episodes in are you before skip the title sequence? 10? 5? 2?  Whether it is because the viewer is so engrossed in the show that they want to get to the action as soon as possible or it’s just due to the credits’ repetitive nature, spending that 45 seconds watching characters do the same dance to a song you will have in your head for days now is an absolute chore.  I know I skip them, especially now that credits are less common, and I come to a show that still has them (usually a cable network) I just want to claw my eyes out.  This goes double, triple even, for Showtime’s Dexter, who’s credit sequence goes on for almost a full two minutes. 

As someone who’s ultimate goal in life is to get their own successful television series, I would love nothing more than to have an awesome credit sequence leading into my equally as awesome episode.  I even have the tone and music and shots picked out in my head.  It would be easy to blame commercials and the ever decreasing hour, but I wonder, even if we were given back the lost time, with the current trend of viewing, would we want to bring back credit sequences?

In the spirit of Ben’s post, I have decided to post a few fave sequences myself.  Enjoy.

Full House

By todays standards, the series and credits were God-awful, but there’s still something about these credits delightful.  It’s possibly that thought that these characters would take the time out of their busy days to turn and smile at the camera.  How nice is Danny Tanner? Though I have long grown out of the show, and others of it’s calibre, there is something about the early nineties opener that really knew how to get your toes tappin’ and put in you in a good mood going into the episode.  Step by Step, Family Matters and many more are all guilty of it and have equally entertaining opening counterparts.

Growing Pains

In a similar vein, there was Growing Pains. I loved this show and I still know every word to it’s theme song.  I remember loving watching all of them grow up — though the young Jason and Maggie pictures that have been technicolored is a bit off putting. Oh look! They’ve left silly Jason out by the fence again!  Silly man. 

Edit: I just noticed in this particular version of the credits it was Mike who was left abandoned on the curb.  Oh, those Seavers, always mixing things up!

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Pardon me, but I can only link to this one. For some reason it’s near impossible to get the actual credits of the show off of youtube and once I actually found said actual credits, the embedding rights have been removed. Such is life.  However, if you are in the mood for Buffy credits Alias Style, Charmed Style, Season 8 comic style or in still photos you are absolutely in luck.

Buffy Season 7 Credits

Buffy had a great title sequence.  It quickly set the mood for the show and introduced the characters in a way that showed off their individual personalities.  I may be bias about this, but I think if you’re able to find them, it’s worth checking out.

And just so you’ll feel my pain.

Dexter

These credits are a beautiful work of art and damn near perfect.  They are visceral and confronting while maintaining an mundanely domestic quality, in other words, these credits ARE the show.  Well done, Showtime… but really, two minutes?

Since this post took so damn long to put together, no Wii Fit for me tonight.  I’m taking my flabby self to bed.

Also, a link to Ben’s blog has been added to my links.